I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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