Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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