just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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