I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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