she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
