Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
