I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
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