Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I pour the whiskey from now on
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
