Your mouth is God's brothel.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
