worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
