he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
