Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
