so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Can you repeat that, but with context?
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
