we have pet lesbian snakes
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Still dying that you shit outside
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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