I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
