who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
i barfeds in our rink
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
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