I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
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