My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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