New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
