The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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