remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
