she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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