every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
