I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
Randomize
