i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Randomize
