So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
