Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
