for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Randomize
