so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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