i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Randomize
