I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
