'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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