someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
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