Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
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