Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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