This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
