if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
