i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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