Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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