Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
