Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
