I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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