the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
