Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
