nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
