At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
