I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
