I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
