Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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