I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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